What Should I Lived For
Hello,everybody. My name is
Ethan. I come from China. I would like to testify of God’s love for me through
passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing
for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of
When I was in middle high school, I read this passage written
by Russell and asked my self what I should lived for. With this question in my
mind, I steped into university life when I was 18 years old. At that time, I
was determined to pursue love and knowledge as the goal of my life. But my four
years of undergraduate study disproved me.
Should I live to pursue wisdom and knowledge? Maybe
yes. But when I went a little bit further, which field should I commit myself
into? What was my favourite subject? What kind of job would be suitable for me?
The first year of my study denied my fancy for the first discipline I chose.
Therefore I changed my major. But before long, I came to realised that this was
not my favourite neither. I became indecisive and and overcautious to take any
action. How much of my youth should pay for the wrong decisions? Who can tell
me where my destination is? The greatest sufferings of life is not falling over
on the way, but having no idea of where to go at all. I was just like a little
boat shivering in an endless tempest with a broken mast.
I was also chasing love. My life goal was once set to live
for and bring happiness to my beloved. However, that also proved not to be
true. After graduation, I abandoned the opportunity to go to the US for a Master’s
degree, and went back to my little hometown to prepare for the graduate
entrance examination. Faced with another brand new field and severe competition
for the top university in China, the only faith supporting me to go through the
the tough study for half a year is my
beloved one in that university. However, the harsh reality deprived me of all
the meanings of my life. Not only did I failed in the exam, but I lost my love
soon. At that moment, my world collapsed. Insomnia, depression and autism
tortured me. locking myself in my room, I refused to meet friends and filled my
daily life with computer games like drugs allowing me to escape from the
miserable reality for a while. At that moment, I came to realise how
superficial my so-called knowledge and wisdom was and how fragile my love was.
What should I live for?
I happened to come across an American guy studying in
China, who was a christian. Initially, for the purpose of improving my oral
English, I decided to talk with him weekly. I still remembered my first visit
to a church, while I was singing a worship song, I could not help sheding
tears. When I began to read the Bible and pray, peace came into my heart. I gave
all my burdens and my future into God’s. After opening my heart to
Jesus, everything became clear, Trust in the LORD with all my heart and lean not on my
own understanding. He taught me what love is, and how to give and receive it.
Most importantly, he let me forgive those who had ever hurt
me and even pray for them. Since then amazing things happened. Six month ago, I
came to Auckland, soon, I acquired an opportunity to study in the
University of Auckland, and what’s more, the major I am studying is fascinating
to me. Our LORD is faithful, and my prayers have never failed. He led me to the
church, provided a place to stay, from which I am able to walk to the
campus within 15 minutes and the church in 10 minutes. He blessed me in terms
of grade A+ in my paper. Most importantly, in this church, I have experienced
great joy and warmth from my brothers and sisters.
Today I resolved to
commit myself to the LORD, and spend the rest of my
life following him and praising him alone. I live for him